Crown J with his alleged model-girlfriend Masika.
Kpop idols and Korean actors express their ideal types all the time, which can make ALL girls– including Korean girls, who don’t have pale skin, V-lines, S-lines, long legs, big eyes, or a “glamorous,” big chest lose hope…
At least when it comes to dating or marrying the (Korean) boy or man of their dreams: G-Dragon, T.O.P, Taeyang, Lee Seung Gi, Lee Min Ho, Kim Woo Bin, or Lee Jong Suk. Sure, some of them idealize Beyonce, Jessica Gomez, and Scarlett Johansson, but how many of US actually look like that?
Not many. Well, here are some much needed reality checks, because sometimes– almost all of the time, it’s easy to forget that our Korean dreamboat is just a person, too. And, Korean idols and actors are not exactly an accurate sample of Korean people.
“Would a Kpop idol or Korean actor date or marry a non-Korean girl?”
I’ve never really asked myself this question. After all, who cares about a few idols and actors that I’m never going to meet? But, I guess it’s time to answer it with a few reality checks that come to mind since it does come up so often.
Reality Check #1: Separating Fact from Fiction
It’s important to separate fantasy from reality– fact from fiction, especially when it comes to dating and marriage. We ALL have “ideal types,” which is just a statement about what we find most attractive– usually physically.
But how many of us actually hold other people to our (physical) ideals when we date, and how many of us actually end up dating or marrying our “ideal types”? Today, in response to someone somewhere, I wrote something along these lines:
“Sure, some Korean guys find their ideal type, and sometimes we do, too. Sometimes we meet our ideal types in person, but if they have a personality or background that doesn’t match with us, then we might not want to date or marry them.
Sometimes, we meet someone who isn’t our ideal type, but if they have a personality or background that does match with us, then we might want to date or marry them. Changing our ideals, or at least whether or not we stick to them, is just part of life and finding the ‘ideal,’ or right person, for all of us.”
Now, boys and men of ALL races tend to look more at a girl or woman’s physical appearance when choosing their one night stands, girlfriends, and wives, so yes– physical appearance matters, but do girls and women have to match their physical ideals?”
It depends on the person; and, a shallow, superficial person who cares ONLY about someone else’s physical appearance and whether or not it matches their physical ideals is probably either really young and has never been with anyone seriously, or really shitty and has never been with anyone sincerely.
Reality Check #2: Separating Korean Guys from Korean Idols and Actors
Kpop idols and Korean actors make up a small percentage of the Korean population, and they do not represent the views of Korean boys and Korean men as a whole. For example, it’s like a Korean boy or Korean man assuming that what Nicki Minaj, Beyonce, and Halle Berry look like and say represents all black women as a whole.
And that what Selena Gomez, Jennifer Lopez, and Sofia Vergara look like and say represents all hispanic women as a whole– that what Miley Cyrus, Britney Spears, and Scarlett Johansson look like and say represents all white women as a whole.
I could go on, because there are so many different races of women, but you get the point. So, stop stereotyping an entire race and gender of people, because you wouldn’t want people to stereotype you based on your race and gender, either.
Because, “Would a Kpop idol or Korean actor date or marry a non-Korean girl?,” is also often, “Would a Korean guy date or marry a non-Korean girl?” But, Korean guys are different from each other the same way people of any race and gender are different from each other.
And, if you are interested in Korean guys, then meet them in person (or at mykoreanfriends.com) and have those serious and sincere conversations once you get closer to each other, always remembering to treat every person you meet with an open mind, one that isn’t based on your stereotypes of some people.
Reality Check #3: STOP Separating People Based on Race
Since when has it been okay to be friends with, date, or marry someone because of or based on their race? Okay, I’m being naive, but “It’s 2013.” I didn’t grow up in the Civil Rights Era. My generation is one of the Age of Information, of the Arab Spring, of the “It’s 2013.”
It’s 2013, and it’s time to stop using race as a way to judge yourself and others. Being “black” or “hispanic” or “white” or “Indian” or “Korean” is not something that society– or anyone else for that matter, has the right to define FOR you.
Define yourself, which means doing what you want to do, dating who you want to date, and marrying who you want to marry. Weak people will crumble under the pressure– the burden, of the “blood, sweat, and tears” kind of freedom that 2013 promises, but strong people will keep calm and carry on.
Because, it takes blood, sweat, and tears to define yourself– to do what you want– to date who you want– to marry who you want– to just be yourself when society and so many people tell you to be who THEY want you to be.
Reality Check #4: Separate Korean Culture from Ours
All that being said, Kpop idols and Korean actors work in a country that is HIGHLY judgmental of image. First impressions, which are often physical, are also often everything. So, it would be bad for their career to damage their image by dating– period, let alone dating or marrying a non-Korean girl in what is still a very homogeneous country.
For example, HERE is just one of the latest dating scandals that has So Ji Sub in hot water. But, Kpop idols and Korean actors are people, too, so if they fall in love with a non-Korean girl– seriously and sincerely, then who knows what they would do?
So, girls– women, it’s good to have ideals, even physical ones, but if you meet your dream guy in person– be he a Kpop idol or a Korean actor, you will quickly find out that he is just that– a person, like you, but different from you.
Being different from the boy or man of your dreams doesn’t make falling in love, dating, and getting married to him impossible. It just makes it harder to do, because you have to take the time to build bridges to each other, sometimes crossing language, cultural, and even physical barriers, which is what this blog is all about: Two different people. One love.
P.S.: Bae Doo Na is in a relationship with Jim Sturgess. Of course, it’s always been easier for girls and women to date or marry outside of their race, especially in a country like South Korea where the oldest son is responsible for continuing the family line. And, I said easier– not easy!