Korean Boys: Letters To Black Girls

Three Korean guys respond to the warm words, warnings, and wisdom that we sent to them in our “letters.”


First, I want to thank my Korean guy friends for taking the time to respond to our letters. I didn’t write this. They did. Some of you might already know about D- oppa. He is Korean-American.

He is also the person who told me to start blogging about building better relationships between black girls and Korean boys, and he didn’t stop telling me until I finally did. J- is Korean– born and raised there.

He is my dongsaeng, or “little brother,” and I met him through D- oppa. D- is my chingu, or “friend,” since we are the same age. He is also Korean-American, and I’ve known him since middle school! He is big– buff, and so he used to play football and other sports.

Anyway, together, they came up with ONE answer to each of our letters, so read on to find out what they had to say! Just remember: Boys will be boys, so their answers are probably not as helpful as you would like them to be, but they should show you how normal and approachable Korean boys really are can be.

Korean Boys: Letters To Black Girls

Letter #1:

We don’t only date within our race. So, if you like us, then don’t be afraid to ask us out. True love is color blind.

Most Korean guys DO date or at least marry within their race, but not all of us do. So, don’t be afraid to find out whether or not we do by asking us (or asking us out), either.

Letter #2:

We are open-minded and diverse. A lot of us find different races just as attractive as our own; and, sometimes, maybe even more attractive than our own! We actually are attracted to you, too, but sometimes we have no clue what to say to you, which probably goes both ways.

We like girls, because we’re guys. And, we like Korean girls, because we’re Korean guys. BUT that doesn’t mean we don’t like white, black, Hispanic, or even non-Korean Asian girls.

Sometimes, we’re smooth around girls that we like. Sometimes, we’re shy or awkward around girls that we like. No matter what, if we really like you, we’ll do our best to get to show it and get to know you.

Letter #3:

We can be approached the same way other girls can– with varying results. If you do work up the courage to talk to one of us, then just because she happens to reject you or be rude to you doesn’t mean that we all will.  And, if you do approach us, be genuine.

We’re not hard to approach, but we know a lot of Korean guys are.  The language barrier is a big problem here, and sometimes Korean guys don’t want to or just can’t speak English. So, you should learn Korean, especially if you plan on going to Korea. It might even impress the Korean guys you meet, and it will definitely help you get along with their friends or family.

A black girl is not your 장난감. A black girl is not your one-nightstand. A black girl is not your fantasy.

Some Korean guys are good, but some are bad, and they will use you for sex or date you just to show off to their friends that they are with a foreign girl. We like to think we’re good guys, and we would never do that.

Letter #4:

Don’t make assumptions about us or our culture. We probably have a lot more in common than you might think! Some of us even speak Korean, and a lot of us are willing to learn.

Korean culture is so popular. (Why?!) A lot of girls like Korean guys, but they expect us to be like Korean idols or straight out of a Korean drama or something.

That’s just NOT who we are. I mean, some of us do cute things and some of us don’t. I think it’d be cooler to meet a girl who knew about Starcraft (D- oppa!) or just liked drinking (J-!) or going to church (D-!).   

Letter #5:

You do not have to act like a Korean version of Lil’ Wayne to impress us– just be yourself, and don’t assume we won’t like you for who you are!

We’re definitely not those Korean guys, but we’ve seen them…

So, don’t be afraid to make the first move: Give us a compliment, flirt. We are just girls before we are black girls. So treat us that way– as girls, as people. Don’t only see the color of our skin, but do be careful when you talk about or touch our hair…

We can’t touch your hair? LOL Yeah, just tell us stuff like that, because we’re not going to know! But, if we like you, we will make the first move. Or try to, at least.

Letter #6:

There are quite a few of us who are nothing like the media portrays us– I mean, we are the complete opposite, in fact.

How does the media portray Korean guys? Yeah, we’re not those guys you’re probably thinking of either.

Letter #7:

For example, we don’t want your money, and we won’t get pregnant just to get it. My ex-boyfriend’s mom always thought I just wanted him for his money, since “black people are so poor.” This is also just another false stereotype.

Yeah, stereotypes suck, but Korean guys and their parents might not know more than the false stereotypes about you. So, if you end up dating a Korean guy, educate him. Also, find out about his family, because your family, education, and background might matter to them– but, it might not.

Letter #8:

Basically, many of us do not fall into that stereotypical “ghetto lifestyle.” We don’t all “talk ghetto”, live in the hood, and want a “gangster boy.”

That’s good to know.

Letter #9:

But, we don’t all look like Beyoncé or Halle Berry, either…

We don’t all look like Hyun Bin or Won Bin, either. Looks matter, but we don’t expect you to look like a celebrity, because we don’t either.

Letter #10:

We are all different. Not all of us are loud. Some of us are quiet. Some of us have short tempers, but some of us don’t. So, take the time to find out about us on an individual basis. How?  Just say, “Hi.” I mean that’s a good start, right?


Letter #11:

So, please don’t try to lump us all into one category, especially if your entire knowledge of us is based on music videos.

Same: Especially if your entire knowledge of us is based on Kpop idols or Korean dramas.

Letter #12:

Be confident and willing to talk to us and to get to know us. We want to know that you genuinely care about us and that you are willing to embrace us, including our culture and the struggles that go along with it.

Same: Being Korean is a part of who we are, so try to understand Korean from the language to the culture to the food. Try to understand US, too.

Even though we are known for being strong, independent, and opinionated, we want to be loved, treasured, and respected like everyone else. We want someone to lean on, so if you do love us, then be ready to support us and stand up for us, too.

 If you’re our girl, then we’ll definitely do our best not to hurt you, but we’re not perfect, and we don’t always know what to do… 

Letter #13:

Please make sure your parents are okay with interracial relationships, because it will be hard for us (and YOU) if you have to choose us or your parents in the end.

 … Especially when it comes to our parents. But, not every Korean guy will pick his parents over you. BUT, we might, and we think other Korean guys might, too, because family is SO important to us. Our moms and dads really matter to us, and being a good son is really important to us, too. We like to think we’d do our best to make it work.

Letter #14:

We love your eyes. They’re charming.

We love your ass “curves.”

(Sorry, girls. Boys will be boys.)

Letter #15:

We are sexy, but we can be cute and do aegyo, too!

That’s also good to know.

Letter #16:

We don’t believe the stereotypes about how you aren’t good in bed or have a small penis; because, “it isn’t the size of the boat, it’s the motion of the ocean.”

Uhm… no comment? Just kidding. Honestly, some of us are good in bed, but some of us aren’t. If we like you, we’ll do our best, though!

You probably still have a lot of questions and concerns, right?

I mean, there’s always more to know about the opposite sex, period, which are still a mystery to me!

Marriage In South Korea

Marriage (and weddings) scare the hell out of me, but here’s more on both marriage and weddings in South Korea with a special sneak peak at my unni’s interracial wedding in South Korea!

Let’s start this blog post by taking a closer look at weddings in South Korea.

Continue reading “Marriage In South Korea”