“Would a Kpop idol or Korean actor date or marry a non-Korean girl?”

This question gets asked (even if not aloud) all the time. So, I finally decided to answer it.

Sure, some Korean celebs idealize Beyonce, Jessica Gomez and Scarlett Johansson, but how many of us look like them?

“Would a Kpop idol or Korean actor date or marry a non-Korean girl?”


Kpop idols and Korean actors express their ideal types all the time, which can make many girls– including Korean girls, who don’t have pale skin, V-lines, S-lines, long legs, big eyes or a “glamorous,” big chest lose hope.

Well, at least when it comes to dating or marrying the (Korean) boy or man of their dreams. However, here are some much needed reality checks, because sometimes– almost all of the time, it’s easy to forget that our Korean dreamboat is just a person, too.

And, Korean idols and actors are not exactly an accurate sample of Korean people. So, although I’ve never really asked myself this question, I guess it’s time to answer it with a few reality checks that come to mind since it does come up so often.

Reality Check #1: Separating Fact From Fiction

It’s important to separate fantasy from reality– fact from fiction, especially when it comes to dating and marriage. We all have “ideal types,” which is just a statement about what we find most attractive– usually physically.

But how many of us actually hold other people to our physical ideals when we date, and how many of us actually end up dating or marrying our ideal types? Today, in response to someone somewhere, I wrote something along these lines:

“Sure, some Korean guys find their ideal type, and sometimes we do, too. Sometimes we meet our ideal types in person, but if they have a personality or background that doesn’t match with us, then we might not want to date or marry them.

Sometimes, we meet someone who isn’t our ideal type, but if they have a personality or background that does match with us, then we might want to date or marry them. Changing our ideals, or at least whether or not we stick to them, is just part of life and finding the ‘ideal,’ or right person, for all of us.”

Now, boys and men of all races tend to look more at a girl or woman’s physical appearance when choosing their one night stands, girlfriends and wives, so yes– physical appearance matters, but do girls and women absolutely have to match their physical ideals?” 

It depends on the person; and, a shallow, superficial person who cares only about someone else’s physical appearance and whether or not it matches their physical ideals is probably either really young and has never been with anyone seriously, or really shallow and has never been with anyone sincerely.

Reality Check #2: Separating Korean Guys From Korean Idols & Actors

Kpop idols and Korean actors make up a small percentage of the Korean population, and they do not represent the views of Korean boys and Korean men as a whole. For example, it’s like a Korean boy or Korean man assuming that what Nicki Minaj, Beyonce and Halle Berry look like and say represents all black women as a whole.

And that what Selena Gomez, Jennifer Lopez and Sofia Vergara look like and say represents all Hispanic women as a whole– that what Miley Cyrus, Britney Spears and Scarlett Johansson look like and say represents all white women as a whole.

I could go on, because there are so many different races of women, but you get the point. So, stop stereotyping an entire race and gender of people, because you wouldn’t want people to stereotype you based on your race and gender, either, right?

Because, “Would a Kpop idol or Korean actor date or marry a non-Korean girl?,” is also often, “Would a Korean guy date or marry a non-Korean girl?” But, Korean guys are different from each other the same way people of any race and gender are different from each other.

And, if you are interested in Korean guys, then meet them in person (or at mykoreanfriends.com) and have those serious and sincere conversations once you get closer to each other, always remembering to treat every person you meet with an open mind, one that isn’t based on stereotypes.

Reality Check #3: STOP Separating People Based On Race

Since when has it been okay to be friends with, date or marry someone because of or based on their race? Okay, I’m being naive, but “It’s 2013.” I didn’t grow up in the Civil Rights Era. My generation is one of the Age of Information, of the Arab Spring of the “It’s 2013.”

It’s 2013, and it’s time to stop using race as a way to judge yourself and others. Being black or Hispanic or white or Indian or even Korean is not something that society– or anyone else for that matter, has the right to define FOR you.

Define yourself, which means doing what you want to do, dating who you want to date and marrying who you want to marry. Weak people will crumble under the pressure– the burden, of the “blood, sweat and tears” kind of freedom that 2013 promises, but strong people will keep calm and carry on.

Because, it takes blood, sweat, and tears to define yourself– to do what you want– to date who you want– to marry who you want– to just be yourself when society and so many people tell you to be who they want you to be.

Reality Check #4: Separate Korean Culture From Yours

All that being said, Kpop idols and Korean actors work in a country that is highly judgmental of image. First impressions, which are often physical, are also often everything. So, it would be bad for their career to damage their image by dating– period, let alone dating or marrying a non-Korean girl in what is still a very homogeneous country.

But, Kpop idols and Korean actors are people, too, so if they fall in love with a non-Korean girl– seriously and sincerely, then who knows what they would do?

So, girls– women, it’s good to have ideals, even physical ones, but if you meet your dream guy in person– be he a Kpop idol or a Korean actor, you will quickly find out that he is just that– a person, like you, but different from you.

Being different from the boy or man of your dreams doesn’t make falling in love, dating and getting married to him impossible. It just makes it harder to do, because you have to take the time to build bridges to each other, sometimes crossing language, cultural and even physical barriers, which is what this blog is all about: Two different people, one love.

45 thoughts on ““Would a Kpop idol or Korean actor date or marry a non-Korean girl?”

  1. I was about to say “NO” and give my reasons for why a Korean actor or KPop idol would not marry a non-Korean until I read the last few paragraphs, which are my reasons. I think there are several who would love to know what it is like to date a black woman specifically but can’t because they live in a homogeneous society (*cough* Taeyang *cough*). But for reasons already stated, it is unlikely. Notice I didn’t say impossible. I just said unlikely (how much of an opportunity do they have anyway?). Korean idols have trouble dating other Koreans for goodness sake! I can only imagine what the public outcry will sound like if an idol or actor introduced their girlfriend who wasn’t anything close to being Korean; let alone a black woman.

    I don’t know. I keep thinking of Se7en’s song “Them Girls”: “…I like em black or white.” But he’s in a long-term r-ship with a Korean actress, so there’s that.

    One more thing…she’s a JPop star (can’t recall her name) but she was recently engaged or married to a white man who went to UCLA. Not sure how their r-ship is being judged, though. I just wish more of them could be open about their dating preferences and not receive backlash from their “caring” fans because OPPA didn’t make their dream come true by marrying them, lol.

    But you know what I would like to see? A beautiful black chick in a Kpop video as the female lead for a change…and not just dancing either. Now THAT will be enough to satisfy me.

  2. Hmm, you’d be surprised at the exposure to black women that Korean idols and actors get overseas in Japan and in America while in clubs, working, etc.

    (Its mainly in Korea where black girls and women are just so hard to find. I know I saw just seven when I was there for three months last summer, and none of them were there to model or be in music videos. Most of them just wanted to leave due to the culture shock and cultural differences, but I think more black girls are being open about Korea– and vice versa, now.)

    But, Se7en is dirty, and I’ve heard a lot of rumors about other Korean idols, actors, and actresses from so many of my Korean friends. Once you learn about what really goes on behind the scenes in Korea, its hard to want to actually date or marry anyone working in the business, anyway.

    (One black girl in Japan had a tumblr about all the Korean idols and actors that she met while working at clubs as a hostess, but of course, she got so much hate and took it down.)

    As for Se7en, he went to a “spa” and cheated on his GF when he was supposed to be serving in the military.


    Anyway, because you said, “Korean idols have trouble dating other Koreans for goodness sake!,” and a recent scandal that came out involving a Korean actor, I updated my article with a nice link after seriously being reminded of how judgmental Koreans are of each other but especially of their actors and idols.

    (No one is ever good enough for their precious celebrities…)

    Anyway, if more black girls would actually go to Korea and learn the language and adjust to the culture, it would be pretty easy for them to get cast in a music video. I think its just since no one has done it yet, no one thinks they can. But, I don’t think anyone has tried…

    (I know I wasn’t trying, it just happened.)

    I think I need to write a post on scouting in Korea. I’ve been scouted three times, but I haven’t really talked about all of them yet:)

  3. I thought about you as I wrote this, because I knew you would understand! haha
    And you are so right, without us, no them. Have an amazing Christmas, too, and I will be looking forward to starting my New year in Korea and will definitely share that experience with you all:)

  4. Well thank you my friend you are so helpful to me in my plan to go there to Seoul Korea. I am on my way for surgery this morning in our Christmas week in one more day before Christmas . I pray for you in Korea, as you go to enjoy and or study. Please enjoy your life but most all always pray of who to marry or date. Without him God nothing ever works out for good anyways. ME I don’t know you well yet, nevertheless I am so really proud of you.
    Take care, as for me I will be resting the rest of today after my surgery but I will enjoy and make my 2014, an amazing one. And I will have an older or younger Kpop star as my mate. I have true confidence and faith about it. As for you I see it for you as well and many others if they just open up their minds. They all may not be stars but they will be a nice Korean guy for those who open up their minds, people are just people and another all people don’t hate nor do they have closed minds. Love you all, and again thanks for all you share. Think of me today in surgery. I don’t like them but I need this one since college I’ve hard back trouble and I use to take Judo. So I am doing something about it now. Ttyl dear one.
    Maria E.

  5. I guess I never considered them being exposed to black women while here in America and other countries. That is a thought.

    I heard that rumor, too, about Se7en. I think his girlfriend is still with him, not sure. All it did was reminded me how these idols are not as innocent as fans like to think they are–that idols “do dirt” and have skeletons in their closets just like any other or much like celebrities here. But c’mon! While he is on active military duty?? His priorities are out of wack.

    I know there have been black women starring in the videos or at concerts as the female “lead,” but the two I know of were only dancers…

    …Come to think of it, maybe this is something I can look into while there…😉 *laughs* A girl can dream!

    About the fandom: I think any woman who manages to date a Korean idol or actress HAS to have a backbone and thick skin to handle the vile and spiteful comments and threats towards her. It’s really sad how these guys and ladies in the industry (is it mostly guys, though?) can’t publically date who they want or love. Fans practically treat them like property. How long do they expect for oppa and noona to stay single?! It’s not logical.

    I wish I saw that girl’s tumblr before it was removed! I don’t like to spread gossip, but reading about it is a guilty pleasure. *sheepish smile*

    Great discussion! Looking forward to your post about scouting!

  6. I don’t know you Maria, but I’m Kirsten. I just wanted to say that I will be praying for you. May you have a successful surgery followed by a speedy recovery. God is able!

  7. I have a few more minutes before I head out to the Medical Center. I want to add why wouldn’t any KPop artist not want to get to know who they are copying from their dancing, their singing. Another Koreans are of Chinese and Japanese culture and people. They get their belief from old school, ancients , that were told bad things of Blacks in America from White Americans. Think about it they have some black features as their nose and darker skin. They most have fair skin that is the difference and their hair, that is the only difference I see that is different from Blacks. So don’t take it to personal of them. When it was taught to them back in the past and passed down to the young about Blacks. Well I must close for now.
    Maria E.

  8. Yes, the black dancer with Junsu of DBSK/TVXQ. He definitely got exposure to other people and cultures while in Japan, etc.!

    The fandom is just as bad for women, and they are REALLY not allowed to date, but what’s interesting is that many famous Korean actresses have secret boyfriends… and sex tapes, too. That’s just an aside, though. LOL

    In Korea– I experienced this while I was there, its important to hang out “kkiri kkiri,” or like with like. This is totally based on image (image regarding your age, status, etc.), and this is also why So Ji Sub and Jooyeon(?) is not okay, but Lee Na Young and Won Bin is okay.

    The gossip was good! She was sweet, but I had already heard it all before. She just confirmed some things. She said Taeyang was thirsty, girl… LOL

    Anyway, I wrote the post on scouting, just need to edit it:)

  9. LOL at all of this! I can see Taeyang being the thirsty type. Bless his sweet heart! I remember cracking up at the “You’re my chocolate, my sweetest chocolate” Line in “You’re My” intro when I first heard it! *face palm*

    Now I understand the article you linked to and why so many commented about those two not being on the same level.

  10. I’m praying for your safe surgery and speedy recovery and that you make it to Seoul soon in the New Year!^^

    Also, I just want to share this comment made by Henry, a Korean guy, in a forum topic on “What Korean Guys Like in A Girl.” This topic inspired this post in the first place, and I saw his comment later.

    I’d like to say that “just case by case “.
    But it’s about true.
    And also, I am in Nigeria now from April this year.
    As a result, I think all human is mostly same eyes.
    Korean doesn’t have special eyes.
    One man’s meat is another man’s poison.
    Merely they are a little different due to their culture.”

    One man’s meat is another man’s poison is a Korean idiom that means: “different people like different things; what one person likes very much, another person does not like at all.”

    Anyway, here is the forum topic: http://mykoreanfriends.com/xe/index.php?mid=forum&document_srl=230681

    Have a good day all, it’s nice to be able to talk about these things with such amazing women:)

  11. Also, about Se7en, he’s more of just a “gasu,” or singer. He’s not really an idol.

    BoA is an idol. Shinhwa are also idols. Idol is really about a certain image, and he doesn’t have it…!

    Same as Rain. He’s also more of a gasu– a dance gasu– dancer and singer, just like Se7en.

    G-Dragon is considered an “artist.” Same with Taeyang.

    When you learn Korean you can pick up on more of these differences, which are so subtle but so important. In this case, especially when seeing who is on whose level– from a Korean perspective at least, which I always try to find out. They know a lot more about these people than we do! LOL

  12. I had no clue! Although, I have heard of GD being referenced as an “artist.” So being a singer/dancer/gasu is subpar to being an idol, then? Lol! I have so much to learn! *frustrated*

  13. I wish I knew the site for the gossip~. Do you remember any more~? Or the site url? I’m also not one to spread, just to read~

  14. She is a black girl who was working as a hostess in Japan. She had a tumblr where she shared about tons of Kpop idols and actors– who do go to Japan quite often and are able to party there much more than in Korea, but got so much hate that she quickly took it down.
    She mentioned all the members of Big Bang are pretty thirsty, and I’ve heard the same thing from people who have worked with them. Shinee may have made comments about bleaching her skin– I really don’t remember. SNSD was bitchy… things like that.

  15. Came across your blog because of So Ji Sub! I love him as well. I met him in Singapore last month and get to shake hands with him. He is so nice and gentleman🙂 I’m Asian🙂

  16. I love the way you write and I’m actually envious of your adventures. When I found your blog I was so happy. I wish you were around when I first go into the whole foreign scene. I plan to live in Japan instead of Korea though. This article is interesting. I personally want to date Changmin of DBSK but JYJ seem more open to it. But if I do date a kpop idol that would be interesting. A girl would need a lot of courage. I would probably crack down with all the comments or never get on the internet.

  17. Thanks so much Ana! I also want to live in Japan or at least visit for an extended period of time. I really want to go to Okinawa!!! Feel free to be in touch with me at anytime. I am always planning trips to Asia.🙂

    Now, I would date Jung Yong Hwa but lord knows the racist comments would come pouring in. I just read an article about FKA Twigs getting hate. She’s mixed. Her boyfriend in Robert Pattinson– the Twilight guy, aka Edward. And Twilight fans and Kpop fans both = crazy!!!

  18. Absolutely, my mother was the first generation Italian. She was expected to marry an Italian man. My father was an extremely handsome Englishman, blond hair with strawberry highlights. She was determined she was going to marry my father even if she had to go through hoops. She did and they were married 60 years. The only one to marry outside the Italian linage. To this day she is still the only one in her family who has. We are the only Italian blonds with blue eyes in her family. They always treated my dad like crap and he was a wonderful, mild mannered man. Thanks for the post. Extremely hard to break tradition. We are Jewish and my daughter married a good Catholic. We did not give her a hard time because I knew what that is like and was glad to see her married off. She also has blond hair and blue eyes thanks to my dad. I agree that Stereotyping is bad because they would call my daughter a Jewish American Princess and she found it very degrading. Trivia: I work with quite a few Asians and they cannot get me to consume rice for breakfast. If you have to fight hard enough for a marriage, usually you will not take that for granted. There is nothing that says that the love of your life will be within your race, culture, religion, and heritage. My mom would say after almost 60 yrs, your father and I are the only ones in my family that still sleep in the same bed at night. God bless both of them for having the guts to do what was right for them.

  19. I liked Italy and did Italian for two years before falling completely in love with Korea.

    Now, I couldn’t agree more: Absolutely… If its love and they have the guts to make it work!

    So, your parents are amazing, thanks for sharing even a little bit of their story:)

  20. Im an asian but my skin is dark and my face was like a chinese.Its a total laughable to them.My father was a mixed.Ive always being teased for being dark but ive always held my head up high and said to them white doesnt make you go to Heaven.Even it is so hard being discriminate by skin colour, I always plaster a big smile on my face because to me, a narrow person doesnt take them any higher.Just sharing my story.

  21. First, you are not dumb!^^ I was teased, too, but by other black kids for talking “white” and doing well in school. This was in Louisiana, of course, and white kids teased me, too.

    So, teasing hurts but it shouldn’t make you hateful or resentful of yourself or others. I am happy that you have been able to hold your head high, and thanks so much for sharing your story! Around here, we can all relate.❤

  22. wow, I really enjoyed reading everything on this blog………….like its so true.. without us, there aint gonna be them. I am a Nigerian girl who has currently fallen in love with the country korea, am learning korean cause I want to study there and to be sincere, I don’t see myself loving a Nigerian guy…..I just hope my plans to get married to a Korean is achieveable……ur sincere answers is needed, please

  23. I’m Nigerian-American. My parents would like me to marry a Nigerian man, but out of all the men that I have met and dated, I have felt closest with the ones who happened to be Korean men. Our cultures are very similar, of course! Similar but different.

    Like, both of my boyfriends reminded me of my dad! Stylish but simple. Hard-working. Older than me so able to guide me. And, just understanding of values like family, education, and religion without being too religious of course. Anyway, I think all Asian guys are charming, but some Asian guys have not been open to dating outside of their race like the Korean ones I met.

    So, my Korean friend in Korea married a Nigerian man. They have a beautiful baby together. It was not easy for her, but they made it work. So, you can do it, too. Finally, don’t EVER let anyone tell you what to like or who to love or what to do. It’s your decision, not theirs. People will always say negative things, but they are just missing out on something more to life, something magical.

  24. Hey! Someone in my Myspace group shared this website with us so I came to take a look.
    I’m definitely loving the information. I’m bookmarking and will be tweeting this to my followers!
    Excellent blog and outstanding design.

  25. Hi. I like your blog a lot. I totaly get the point. People do love to clasificate others by their race, color,gender or preferencies.I’m moldavian (as u can see enghlish is not my native language but I’m trying).Keep going.

  26. Thank you so much! I am always surprised at how universal and global English is! Your English is perfect, and I really appreciate you taking the time to read my blog and let me know you agree with me on a lot of things. Keep on! Haha❤

  27. Hi westerngirleastnboy am a native of Nigeria I like u you. you are indeed sweet, when I started, at first I couldn’t imagine but wonder you are truly talented in sharing your life adventures,everything about SK that u know I wish to be like you but I know that someday I will definitely be like you. well in some way like doing this which you are doing now its fun, interesting, educating and so on. I think am now a fan of yours keep going, don’t stop I will b glad to meet you one day like in SK coincidentally but right now am not there but wishes,desires and dreams do come true for me,so am not bored I beleive it will come true. I love you

    from flourish.

  28. Aww, you are so sweet! This really made my day. I hope you keep dreaming but also working hard to make all your dreams come true even when it is hard. But, if it’s worth it then it’s rarely easy. So, see you in Korea some day when I am back there, too. Fighting<3

  29. When my eyes caught d kkiri kkiri word, ah! I knew I had a sister in the house. You know, I think I’ll this while that I have been having this feeling in my heart, I haven’t been able to open up 2 person(s), b’cos I don’t want any1 telling me it isn’t possible! Lee min ho! That man! I like him a lot. I’ll tell the magical word when I get d opportunity 2 tlk with him

  30. Well its been two years but there is the L. A. version of Boys in Luv by BTS that has nothing but black girls in the video =) and while filming they met two black teenager fans and were very kind to them.

    I think the younger they are the more open minded, especially when they get exposure to other cultures so young (I believe the maknae was only 16 in that video).

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